I couldn't resist

**** THIS IS IN THE OFF-TOPIC GROUP FOR A REASON***

So recently I’ve been finding more and more hilarious quotations and tweets. So I decided to make a thread about them instead of spamming peoples steam, skype and or DG profile.
I’ve shared a good number of these with Tip and a few with Juli and the majority of the time it ends up with tip spamming me in all caps STOP PLEASE XD

Quotes with quotations are tweets, others are just things i find that idk who owns

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

“Mr Krabs” lives in “Bikini Bottom”… think about it."

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

“Cigarettes are a lot like turtles, Perfectly harmless, until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.”

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

“It’s actually men who you’ll find, are far more romantic. Men are the people you will hear say: " I’ve found somebody. She’s amzing. If I don’t get to be with this person, I’m fucked. I can’t carry on. I mean it… She’s totally transformed my life. I have a job, I have Flat… it all means nothing. I can’t stand it, I HAVE to be with her!” THAT…
is how women feel about shoes.

slang is actually slang for shortened language. So slang is slang for slang intensity intensifies

if there isnt a chinese millionaire that’s changed their name to cha ching, Then i don’t see the point of money

“In Canada its so cold I saw a gangsta pulling up his pants.”

“Seeing the sun come up and realizing you should go to bed”

That’s all for now. I will most likely update this in the future though.

~ MrSandwich

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[colour=red]Krabby Patties!![/colour] yummy soul property of the krusty krab.

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lol xD

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Too bad that loner squidward works there. He can be living like lary. (Lobster guy)

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I don’t think Slayer understands the joke in that

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awesome stuff

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Ohh but I doooo :stuck_out_tongue:

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wow.

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hueuhuheueuhuhuehuheueh

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nice

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